


Metalbach

by Samarkand12



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, I sold my soul to rock and roll, Unusual Sparky Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 06:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21295127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samarkand12/pseuds/Samarkand12
Summary: When sparks finally snap from the stress, it takes unusual forms...
Comments: 35
Kudos: 107





	Metalbach

Communique from Boris Dolokhov, to the world at large:

The Baron Wulfenbach has not gone insane. Every so often, Sparks need to relieve the stress of dealing with a kitbashed-together conglomeration of schoolchildren--in other words, Europa in general--without burning everything down to the bedrock. Or so I am informed. Our fearless leader has decided to take a less-drastic-yet-likely-justified route to working out his frustrations. We attribute this to his recent work in transdimensional harmonics where he has been listening to tellurian wave transmissions leaking from a parallel reality. Investigations into an artifact known as the Pick of Destiny may be involved.

Whatever the reason, the Baron has decided that the political order of Europa needs a new management style.

Doubtless the Vaticans will have it banned too, in time.

The following changes will be most obvious:

1) The Wulfenbach Empire shall heretofore be known as the Klaus Wulfenbach Experience.

2) Castle Wulfenbach is now the "Van". 

3) "Groupies" are apparently welcome. The Baron has also sent an invitation to Undying Albia to "get on the bus with all the hot chicks who tried to kill me". The threat level of the Experience is now mauve. I repeat, we are at Condition Mauve.

4) Klaus promises to "rock everyone's world". So, no change there...

5) "Be excellent to one another" has replaced "Don't make me come over there" as the guiding policy of the new regime.

6) To all enemies, the Baron extends his wishes that "we who are about to rock, salute you."

7) "Ass, cash, or grass--nobody rides for free" shall be considered a...colorful...take on the usual policies on paying one's taxes.

8) Auditions are now open. So are slots in the Entourage not occupied by the Jaegermonsters.

9) The World Tour starts in Beetleburg. 

I ask that there be minimal panic. If you see a barechested Baron with long hair and indecently clinging trousers, stay calm and make no sudden movements. If you play an instrument, god help you. 

Boris Dolokhov,

Agent


End file.
